I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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