I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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