if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
