You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
