Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His nipple licking is glorious
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