My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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