I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
