I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
