The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
