i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
