talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize