What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
