im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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