I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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