we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
