Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
