i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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