yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
