you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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