someone get that fucking seahorse.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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