Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
