You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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