So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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