I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
