and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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