is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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