Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize