Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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