You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
