do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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