I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
