yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
