you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
