he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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