yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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