God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize