You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
