let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
