She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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