Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
