And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
