haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
