I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
