Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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