I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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