I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
