He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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