I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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