Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
