Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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