I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
