do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
