do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
