That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
