he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
