Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
