Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
