You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
