that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
