woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
