im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize