Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
