is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
