I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
