shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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