I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
