i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
